Cyberbullying has become part of the national headlines and a serious issue facing schools and families.  Cyberbullying is, to a large degree, a direct result of the amount of mean, harassing and cruel language used frequently online.  Separated from social consequences due to the anonymity of the screen, kids feel emboldened to write and act online in ways they wouldn't act in person. To see a much more complete list of what behaviors constitute cyberbullying, visit ChildrenOnline.org/cyberbullyingsampler.html

The most frequent sites where children and teens experience mean language and tone is on Facebook, gaming communities such as XBOX live, YouTube, Instant messaging, and cell phone texting. Facebook seems to be the most common place listed for examples of meanness, harassment and bullying. A common understanding by students is that Facebook is the best place to take revenge on someone you don't like.  
During our workshops at schools children and teens universally tell us that it is easy to be mean online.

Here is sampling of the words kids use to describe the tone and tenor of the Internet....

"You can't see the person and so you don't feel  bad"
  (Boy age 10)
"No one gets caught being mean like you do at school"
  (Girl age 11)
"The person you are teasing may not know your name"
  (Girl age 13)
"Everyone is mean, I'm just used to it"
  (Girl age 14)
"You can't tell sarcasm online and it's hard to tell when someone is kidding"
  (Boy age 15)
"One time someone was really mean to me.  I also found out my brothers friend got my password"
  (Boy age 9)
"I had a friend who was bullied on Facebook and she really got upset"
  (Girl age 12)
"My sister broke up with her boyfriend through texting, I thought that was mean"
  (Boy age 10)
"Sometimes people write really mean things under videos on YouTube"
  (Boy age 11)

While adults may not see the extent of the bullying and meanness online, our kids do. They have almost become desensitized to mean or vulgar words or harassing statements. As our technology enables faster, and more abbreviated communication, the disconnectedness kids feel to a real person on the other end increases.  For some kids, this facilitates irresponsible, and even caustic, communications. Texting, for example, while very efficient and a wonderful tool for adults and companies, can be very hurtful in the hands of impulsive and emotional teens.  Examples of sexting, or sending provocative pictures through cell phones, are increasingly common. Also, many teens are turning to texting to have difficult conversations such as breaking up with someone or getting angry with a friend.  The buffer of the screen affords a feeling of safety from consequences that would normally cause children to think twice before being mean to another person.  Kids tell us that without seeing the person, it is easier to be mean. [This effect is called 'disinhibition' and is discussed by many including this article at Family-Internet-Safety.]

With the rapidly changing technology leaving many adults feeling left behind, it can be very challenging to raise our children with respect, kindness and a sense of responsibility to do the right thing.

There are however, some strategies that we recommend to confront the issue of the meanness and bullying online.