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Recommendations for Technology
Use:
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1. Young children (to
age 9) should have limited access to the Internet and
not be allowed to chat or use Instant
messaging.
2. Parental Control
software should be installed on computers to help
parents provide a safer environment for their
children.
3. Chatting or the use
of Instant Messaging should be discouraged until age 12
or 6th grade.
4. Texting should be
discouraged until age 15 or 10th
grade
5.
Social Networking Sites should be discouraged
until age 16 or 10th grade.
6. Parents should have
any-time access to all their children's online accounts
until about 11th grade
7. Computers should be
placed in a public location for all children and 24 hour
access to the Internet should be discouraged.
8.
Parents should set clear time limits and curfews for
using the Internet and cell
phones.
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About
Children
Online
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Children Online offers
innovative and comprehensive workshops on Internet
safety and online education to students, parents,
faculty and administrators. Our approach,
unique in the field of Internet safety, combines a
thorough understanding of Internet technologies, child
development and counseling, to focus on the impact of
the internet on the social, emotional and language
development of young people.
Doug Fodeman and Marje
Monroe, experts in technology, counseling and education,
work together to provide invaluable research and tools
for parents and schools with practical real-life
solutions to the issues faced by young people
online. Since 1997, Marje and Doug have spoken to
thousands of students, teachers and parents.
They have several publications in the area of Internet
safety and offer a free online newsletter. More
detailed information can be found at
ChildrenOnline.org.
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Issue: #28
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September 2009
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28th
Edition of the Children Online Newsletter.
There are
many cultural guideposts to follow for parents trying to
raise healthy children safely. Guideposts such as
movie ratings, driving rules to protect teens, and
numerous books on raising toddlers and young children
assist parents who seek help in raising
children. However, when it comes to dealing
with technology use, parents are left with little or no
guidance. In fact, kids' gaming sites
and social networking sites often work against parents
in creating age-related rules.
Our hope is to begin to
create some simple and clear guideposts to help parents
steer their children safely through their technology
use. This newsletter is dedicated to that
pursuit.
As always, we welcome your
comments. Our telephone number for Children Online
is 413-214-1225. We encourage you to visit our new web
site which contains many new resources for parents and
educators.
Best wishes,
Marje Monroe and Doug
Fodeman
Contact Marje or Doug via
email at marjem@childrenonline.org or
dougf@childrenonline.org for information about our
programs or consulting services.
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Setting Boundaries for
Technology Use
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"Stop hitting your
brother"
"No, you may not have another
cookie"
"Stay away from the ledge"
"You need to
call me once you get to your friend's house"
"You may
only watch PG movies"
" No, you may not take the car
tonight, you father will drive you."
Being a
parent means setting boundaries and limits.
Everyday we set rules and limits for our children.
And it seems just as often that children are pushing
against those boundaries. Some of the limits we
set seem natural to us. Helping kids negotiate
sharing toys, being kind, going to bed on time, eating
dessert, playing outside, going to the mall, and
learning to drive can be instinctual. We watched
our own parents guide us and we have experienced each of
those things.
But for the most part, many of us
did not grow up texting, Instant messaging, socializing
online or being connected to an electronic device as
often as possible. We don't have memories,
experiences or instincts to fall back on. And so
we are forced to invent ways to parent our kids
online. We have to blindly deal with cyber
bullying, Facebook, texting, live multi-player gaming,
instant messaging and the ever-changing world of
technology.
However, we don't need to be
alone. We now know a great deal more about
technology and, more importantly, we know
children. If we follow the age-old practice of
creating developmental rules for children and teens, it
is not hard to create rules for technology.
When
your five-year-old asks you to watch a PG13 movie, most
of us instantly say "No"; understanding that there will
likely be content beyond the developmental level and
understanding of our child. Child Development
tells us that five-year-olds need social interactions,
they need to learn how to feel part of a community, they
need to play, they need to run, they need to be
loved. Just as the PG13 movie is beyond their
intellectual and emotional development, so are chatting
online or playing online games such as Webkinz or Club
Penguin. Small children will likely face material
that is inappropriate for them online. Small
children will be deprived of important social skills by
spending time online such as verbal cues and immediate
consequences for behavior.
When the ten-year-old
asks to go to the mall with a group of friends without
an adult, most of us would say "No", understanding that
a group of ten-year-olds alone in an unfamiliar setting
will likely face some peer pressure, possible bullying
and tempting situations that are beyond their
intellectual and emotional ability to grasp. It is
similar for chat rooms, instant messaging and
texting. Most ten-year-olds are not yet ready to
face the challenges associated with chatting online, the
tempting use of texting to tease or bully, the
inappropriate language that can be used in instant
messaging, or the difficulties that arise from anonymous
online communications.
The
thirteen-year-old begging to attend the high school
party is usually met with a "no" from anxious
parents. Thirteen-year-olds are not ready to make
healthy decisions for themselves in the face of tempting
adult situations involving alcohol, sex, or trying
drugs. The same is true of social networking
sites. Sites such as Facebook and My Space are
filled with bullying, meanness, and conversations about
sexual situations, drug and alcohol use. Our young
teens are not yet ready to make healthy split-second
decisions demanded by the social networking interaction
with older teens.
While it may be logical to make
developmental connections to online behavior, the
developers and owners of online tools and environments
actually work against child development. For
example, sites such as Webkinz aim their advertising at
young children and sell cute, soft stuffed animals in
malls all over the country. These manufacturers tempt
young children to buy the toys and then use the
accompanying codes online to get a prize. Cell
phones, tools such as instant messaging, and online
gaming sites are often developed with kids in mind,
using vibrant colors, cartoon-like advertisements and
characters. Social Networking Sites and YouTube
recommend users should wait until age 13, although many
kids lie about their age to gain access earlier.
Given the risks involved, we feel waiting until 16 is a
better age for our children to be using social
networking sites.
It is easy to see the risks
associated with driving, drinking, sexuality and
unsupervised parties. It is much harder to see
into the murky world of the Internet. Children and
teens are growing up faster via the Internet than is
healthy or developmentally appropriate for them. The
beguiling safety of a screen in a home can tempt
children and teens to behave and take risks in ways they
would never consider in their physical world.
While there may be some cultural understanding of
raising kids, we are in the dark when understanding life
online. But we must turn on the light and realize
that we know our children. We understand values
and ethics. We can look to child development as a
guide.
Parenting at the best of times is
challenging. We need all the help we can get in
today's fast-paced, and often isolated, world. It is
increasingly harder to raise our children to be
considerate, compassionate adults with values and a good
moral compass. But we must. Our kids are too
important.
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INTERNET
SAFETY CURRICULUM
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Safe Practices for
Life Online
Children Online has a
curriculum on Internet Safety that includes nearly 100
student exercises and lots of information on many topics
including social networks, instant messaging,
cyberbullying, online marketing, scams directed at kids,
protecting privacy online, avoiding identity theft and
impersonation, creating strong passwords and
more.
 There is also a student
edition which includes cartoons and "Did you know"
sections of interesting facts for students.
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© Children Online 2009
Doug
Fodeman & Marje Monroe.
For permission to reprint
please contact
DougF@ChildrenOnline.org
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